Here’s what we know about Hrithik Roshan. He is a fairly decent actor and refreshingly non-judgmental – after all, he did agree to act in disasters called Kites and Krrissh 3. And he has biceps that could potentially shelter the whole of south Mumbai in the monsoons if he chose to dangle his arm out of a window around that time.

Here’s what we know about Katrina Kaif. She is hot. The kind of hot that distracts you from the an Aamir Khan sans shirt, with a tattoo and a disturbing man cleavage in the same frame.

The Bang Bang poster.

Put these two together and what to you get? A delicious memory called Chikni Chameli? A Facebook album called Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara? 

There’s more now that the poster for Bang Bang has been released. For some reason, the poster has sent the Bollywood news factory into a tizzy. Soon after the poster hit the internet, Hindustan Timesdeclared, ‘First look: Hrithik Roshan, Katrina Kaif re-define hotness in Bang Bang.’ NDTV talks about a ‘nuclear chemistry‘ between Hrithik and Katrina. The Indian Express finds the poster ‘sizzling hot’.

What they’re trying to say without actually saying it is this:
“OMG! SO MANY PHALLIC SYMBOLS AND SEXUAL INNUENDO!”

Ostensibly, all you get in the poster is Roshan in a wet banyan, glaring at Kaif’s nose as if to say his cleavage is as impressive as Kaif’s. Kaif, on the other hand, has so much make-up on her eyelids — eye shadow, eyeliner, fake eyelashes — it is clearly impossible for her to lift her eyes and return Roshan’s glare.

Around this happy couple are random people on speedboats and water scooters, one sea plane, and loads of water.

But tap into your inner Sigmund Freud, and here’s what you may notice: A lot of wetness, loads of spray and many phallic symbols in the act of, well, plunging and shooting. There’s the gun in Roshan’s hand, the speed boat and sea plane, of course. But even if you ignore all that, how can you not see the massive, spurting explosion of water against which Roshan and Kaif stand, pressed against each other?

Then again, maybe all that is just a coincidence. Maybe all you’re supposed to see in Bang Bang‘s poster are two people who have watched a lot of America’s Next Top Model and have taken Tyra Banks’ advice about looking fierce and ‘smizing’ to heart. In this case, Bang Bang is not precisely a standout.  Where have we seen hot boy faces hot girl for a Bollywood poster before?

Here.

Ek Villain poster.

And here.

Ram Leela poster.

Or here. (Actually, Emraan Hashmi has a whole museum-full of these)

The  Murder 2 poster.

And the godfather of them all. THIS.

A Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jayenge poster.

What a long, strange trip it’s been for the Bollywood romantic poster… .

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2 thoughts on “Keep calm! There’s nothing hot about Hrithik-Katrina’s Bang Bang poster

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